


Hidden Facets

by rabbitheartbeats



Series: Ink and Quill [6]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers Spoilers, Implied Sexual Content, Patch 5.2: Echoes of a Fallen Star Spoilers, Really bad reporters, Reporters, Tabloids, Vaguely Implied. Sort of.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24311662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabbitheartbeats/pseuds/rabbitheartbeats
Summary: ** Shadowbringers patch 5.2 Spoilers **With the world saved and the night returned, the journalists of Norvrandt have to find a new topic to engage readers.They turn to one of mankind's oldest and most beloved of topics.Celebrity Gossip.
Relationships: G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch/Warrior of Light
Series: Ink and Quill [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1465468
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40





	Hidden Facets

> _Honeyhunting Hero_
> 
> _Norvrandt’s most eligible bachelorette was spotted leaving the Honeybee Inn yesternight! Lady Moxi Kahkol was seen by no less than our paper’s intrepid reporters at the Honeybee Inn, attended to by five bewitching Honeybees at the well known stripclub._
> 
> _The hero of Norvrandt is noted to be a regular visitor to the Beehive, taking the recently established airship line on a weekly basis and is often seen trading passionate words with young entrepreneur Kai-Shirr._
> 
> _Sources exclusive to the Facet have gone on record to let all of Norvrandt know that our hero does have a type and it is a shocker!_
> 
> _Turn to page 12 for the list of the top-ten things YOU can do to turn the object of your affection’s head._

Oh this was awful! Lagbert is ready to snap his pen in frustration while Kirden attempts to balance his own on his scaly nose. He can’t write this. He absolutely can’t!

“Are you certain this information is even remotely accurate?” he demands his colleague, who yelps in surprise as his pen falls on his face. 

“It’s _gossip_ Lagbert, it ain’t supposed to be accurate!” the Drahn remarks as he rubs at his eyes. 

“Well excuse me for having something called _journalistic integrity_!” the Hidden Facet’s ace reporter declares angrily, as he lobs the draft at his friend’s head. 

“Is an article talkin’ ‘bout economics and the Eulmoran’s efforts to build themselves an economy from scratch going to sell? No!” Kirden asks and answers his own question. “The Warrior of Darkness sells. Pretty Drahn heroes and her love affairs - real or imagined - sell!”

“Wait so this entire report you gave me is-?”

“It is a fact that Lady Kahkol takes the airship once a week to Eulmore to visit the Honeybee Inn to speak with a Mystel called Kai-Shirr. She and Master Leveilleur saved his life apparently when Vauthry was going to have the boy executed for something stupid. Is the Warrior of Darkness romantically involved with him? Unlikely. She’s assisting the Eulmorans with some sort of product development much like she did at the Crystalline Mean. Are there a lot of Honeybees? Yes. Has she been seen in the presence of five or more of them? Yes. Does the Warrior of Darkness actually have a thing for Mystel ass? Maybe. I have no idea!”

“Exclusive sources?!”

“I work exclusively for the Facet. I’m a source.”

Wicked white, Kirden is going to be the death of him.

“It’s misleading! Misleading the public is what this is!” Lagbert whines while he tugs at his long black hair. “And this list! Half of this list is just basic _grooming_!”

“You would be surprised by how little some of those fancy Eulmorans know about anything. That Cardinal Sin Hunter, the spoilt Eulmoran brat? Lue-Reeq? Wasn’t until recently that he learned to tie his own damn shoes,” the Hidden Facet’s newest reporter laughs. “Just cleanin’ yourself up is pretty damn good at getting the ladies to notice you. And financial stability is always attractive!”

Lagbert does have to give his friend and fellow writer that one. But dashing the hopes of half the Crystarium and throwing out wild speculations about the hero of Norvrandt's preferences simply feels, well it makes Lagbert feel dirty. 

What if there was some poor Mystel boy who after reading Kirden's article musters up the courage to speak with their hero only to get his heart broken because the Warrior of Darkness is into Galdjent or Ronso - or women?

Well there was Kirden’s utterly insane theory that the Warrior of Darkness and Exarch were madly in love and that the Exarch had travelled through time and space to reunite with her - which while very romantic and heartwarming- the fact was that the Exarch and the Warrior of Darkness’ relationship was very professional to Lagbert’s trained eye. True the Exarch’s stunningly crimson eyes did tend to linger a little on the Drahn woman, but given the outlandish outfits the Warrior of Darkness occasionally wore, it was to be expected.

It made for an adorable story - the heroes of the Crystarium, saviours of Norvrandt fighting through time and space for a chance for love to bloom once more. Kirden really should have gone into fiction. 

Hell, half of Kirden’s wall of insanity was dedicated to his ‘evidence’ that the Lord of the Crystal Tower and the Warrior of Darkness were a couple.The other half was divided rather equally between his crackpot theories on where the Exarch and the Warrior of Darkness and her friends came from, if Lady Y’shtola was actually blind, and a dedicated corner to his utterly insane belief that Cyella of the Wandering Stairs was the Shadowkeeper of legend and immortal at that. 

Lagbert thought Kirden should simply just admit that he was attracted to the woman and ask her out.

The dark-haired Hume man glances over at Wardson, their paper’s silent illustrator and long suffering friend who continues to sketch away. Creeping around behind the huge Galdjent to peek at what he was drawing, Lagbert needs only a quick glance to see what nonsense Kirden had gotten the man to illustrate for him.

“Oh come on!” he groans loudly, which earns him a stern glare from his silent Galdjent friend as he looks over towards Kirden who is standing in front of his board, reviewing his insanity.

“It was raining! Of course they would share an umbrella!” Lagbert tells the daft lizard, who scoffs at his remark.

“Then explain why he felt the need to keep an arm round her waist?” Kirden says as he ties a string from his new pin to another, following whatever strange system he used to keep track of his insanity.

“Those umbrellas don’t cover much! She was being polite!” Lagbert declares. “The Exarch’s an old man! If she walked too quickly he’d have gotten soaked!”

“You don’t just let _anybody_ touch your tail, Lagbert,” the man counters, his own heavy scaled tail thumping against the wall for emphasis. 

Lagbert did not have a tail, being a Hume nor did any of the other Facet employees - two elves and a Galdjent, so he supposes Kirden may have a point there.

“Maybe things are different in their homeland!” he says, tossing his hands up into the air in exasperation. “The Exarch is also more than a _century_ old!”

The dismissive snort he gets for that is a little irritating, but Lagbert knows better than to try and knock sense into Kirden’s particularly thick skull. 

“The Exarch is an accomplished mage, if he really didn’t want to get wet, he could have just used a spell for that! Age is just a number and he could be _three hundred_ years old and women would flock to that face!” Kirden declares as he slaps a hand against the portrait of the Exarch’s admittedly very handsome face that he had pinned to his wall of insanity. “And then just last week, half the Crystarium saw him carry her to the Pendants!”

“That is an incredibly frivolous use of magic and our Exarch is the very opposite of frivolous! Everyone saw her slip! He was being a gentleman!”

“A gentleman does not keep his hand on a lady’s ass that long!”

“How else was he going to carry her?!”

“Neither of them left her room until well past _noon the next day!_ ”

"That doesn't mean anything! Maybe they just talked or - or had a meeting about the Warrior of Light and the starshower!"

Lagbert immediately regrets letting his exasperation with his friend gain control of his tongue and mentioning the forbidden words. Kirden’s golden eyes are now blazing like the everlasting Light that had plagued their world as he begins his impassioned speech on how this whole starshower business was a sign of the end of days and that this ‘Ardbert’ was clearly some sort of villainous ghost puppetting the corpse of a fallen, forgotten hero. 

If one was to read or listen to the man’s articles it was apparently crystal clear that the starshower and the seemingly mass hallucinations of a strange voice was related to the existence of his least favourite chocobo. 

Wardson is glaring murder at him for getting the overly excitable Drahn started again. 

“And that’s why the amaro will rise up against us!” he declares once more to a dead-eyed Galdjent and uninterested Hume.

“So about that interview time you got with Master Leveilleur?” Lagbert tries in an effort to distract his friend. 

“S’not my interview. It’s Adellia’s,” Kirden waves dismissively as he returns to his wall, adding another string to it, this one apparently tying his ‘Cyella is the Shadowkeeper’ theory to ‘Sinister Shade Possessing Fallen Hero’s Corpse’. 

Lagbert struggles for a moment to pick his jaw up from where it had fallen to the floor.

“Adellia?! She’s going to get all of us killed!” the reporter exclaims, clutching at his face in a futile attempt at finding some sort of anchor for this situation. “Why her?! She’s going to offend him and the guards are going to murder us!”

“They won’t kill us,” Kirden laughs, to which Wardson makes a low grunt of disdain and the Drahn amends his statement. “They might throw Delly in jail for slander.” 

“That’s even worse!!” Lagbert cries. “What if the Warrior of Darkness sees what you and Adellia have written about her?!”

Kirden unfortunately simply laughs like a lunatic and grins triumphantly.

“I have no doubts that she’ll be eminently pleased that someone has _finally_ noticed! She and the Exarch are hardly subtle about their relationship as is! Mayhaps she’ll simply find Delly’s outlandish thoughts entertaining!”

Lagbert very much doubts that either the Exarch or the Warrior of Darkness would enjoy people speculating on whether or not they were romantically involved. Much less _Adellia’s_ downright insulting articles. 

He’s not sure why the boss ever hired her. He’s not sure why the boss hired _him_.

He doesn’t mind being a writer - the boss said he was actually pretty good at it - writing and reflecting was something he was good at. 

The boss had described his writing as a beautiful and tactful reflection of reality. Lagbert asked hard questions and encouraged his readers to think on difficult topics.

It was just that ever since the night came back, no one wanted to think - much less read - about the hard problems. 

Kirden had a point that the people of the Crystarium didn’t want to read about economics and diplomatic news and reports on the reality about the sort of trouble the city was going to be in if everyone who had heard that voice got up and left critical positions empty. There were crops that needed harvesting, machines that needed to be maintained. The night sky may be back, but people still needed to eat. 

Life was supposed to be better once the world was saved. Sin Eaters were gone, but ninety-percent of the world was an uninhabitable wasteland. After two decades of neglect, Kholusia’s land was not exactly fertile and verdant and vibrant Il Mheg was not available to be used as farmland.

Despite the Crystarium's ability to provide for itself, if they lost half their workforce, food was going to become a problem.

The people wanted a distraction - and unsubstantiated and wild claims about the famous was apparently what they wanted. 

“I should have never left the guard,” Lagbert sobs to an unsympathetic Wardson whose raised eyebrows tell him exactly what he thinks of Lagbert’s woe. 

‘Lagbert didn’t have to leave the guard’, Wardson’s meaningful look communicates easily enough, before returning to his sketch of the Exarch and Warrior of Darkness holding hands under an umbrella - the caption Scandal in Spagyrics?? stamped across the top. 

It’s not like Lagbert had been a particularly _good_ guard. He had been decent. He knew the pointy end of a spear and how to stab a sineater with it. 

But it was his fault that Wardson no longer has a voice and that Kirden is missing an eye. The whole writer thing was initially a way to try and net some extra gil to help his two best friends out. He didn’t expect for the boss to actually _like_ his articles and when she had mentioned something about looking for more writers and an illustrator, well Wardson did enjoy sketching and reconnaissance had always been Kirden’s specialty. 

He just hopes that Adellia doesn’t ruin everything with this interview

* * *

“Have you seen this?!” Alisaie exclaims as she slams a stack of papers onto the table, interrupting their breakfast.

Y’shtola merely raises one elegant eyebrow while Urianger and Thancred reach over to look at whatever has the young woman in such an indignant rage.

“No.” Y’shtola Rhul, Archon and Scion of the Seventh Dawn and legally blind Seeker of the Sun deadpans. 

“‘Passion in the Pendants: The Exarch’s Not-So Secret Love’, ‘The Truth Behind The Starshower - What They Aren’t Telling Us!’” Thancred reads aloud. “These are tabloids.”

Urianger has taken his copy and has settled himself down comfortably in his chair to read, his eyebrows climbing ever upwards as the pages turn.

“Page seven!” Alisaie snaps and Thancred turns towards the pages that have so offended the young woman. 

“Exclusive Interview with Alphinaud Leveilleur - He Knows Policy, He Knows Politics, He Knows Trade - But Does He Know The Colour of Our Hero’s Panties?!’” Thancred reads aloud for Y’shtola’s benefit whose expression goes from bemused to horrified at the bombastic title.

“Given what she was wearing the other day, I think that _everyone_ in the Crystarium knows what colour her undergarments are,” Thancred remarks mildly.

The Warrior of Light and Darkness had come back to the First a few days ago wearing - well she hadn’t been wearing very much. Ul’dahn dancing girls wore a tad more than what Kahkol had decided to show up in as she had stepped through the portal into the Ocular and then proceeded to run through the Crystarium to the bafflement of all.

Apparently it was an outfit the fabled and world renowned Troupe Falsiam dancers wore - which consisted mostly of gold jewelry and little else that Rowena and Tataru had kindly assisted the Hero of Eorzea in obtaining. Kahkol had been worryingly mum about why Tataru would allow the Auri girl to spend money on or wear such an outfit in public, and only offered a mildly disturbing comment that posing for portraits was incredibly tiring. 

Thancred hopes he won’t have to be the one to explain to Captain Fhrubryt or his crew about why any new Triple Triad cards or portraits of the Champion of Eorzea depict their scaly child nearly nude. 

The Oracle of Light's adoptive father is mostly just thankful that Ryne had been off with Gaia in Eulmore that day and had not been given the chance to decide to want to emulate her hero's choice of outerwear. 

And Thancred is near certain that Moxi probably agreed to wear it and wore it enthusiastically for the sole purpose of seeing how red the Exarch’s face could go.

Alphinaud Leveilleur takes this moment of contemplation to come sliding into the Scion’s lounge, his expression of desperate resolve transforming rapidly into horror at the sight of the documents scattered over the breakfast table. 

“That woman lied to me!” he declares quickly and firmly. “I was told they wanted to hear about the Eulmoran airship initiative and about Master Chai's endeavours as mayor- which was the only reason I agreed to speak with them!”

“Oh we believe you,” Thancred informs the boy reassuringly as he peruses the wildly inaccurate article. “I highly doubt you would ever survive what Captain Fhrubryt's crew would do to you if you did say that Kahkol ‘has an ass you can bounce voeburt gold off of.’” 

“Excuse me?!” both Leveilleurs shriek in horror. 

“Why this Adellia thought to ask your opinion of our vaunted hero’s bosom rather than the Crystal Exarch’s is absolutely mind-boggling. And I doubt he finds it lacking in any way." he continues, smiling at the twins’ looks of horror and indignation. 

Urianger who has remained silent throughout all this sets his paper down.

“While I wouldst be hard pressed to agree with his final conclusion as towards the nature of the Ascians, I would fain speak with the wordsmiths of the Hidden Facet.” the verbose Elezen declares serenely - to which all Scions present turn to stare at the man in varying degrees of incredulity.

“The article from page twelve to thirteen pertaining to the return of Ardbert showeth uncanny insight and accuracy towards the present situation, and his speculations are most intriguing.” their fellow Archon and Scion of the Seventh Dawn states as he calmly sips at his tea.

“Oh I am going to have _words_ with these dastards,” Alisaie mutters as she twists one of the copies of the alleged newspaper in her hands. “There’ll be naught left of them but a _smoking crater_!” 

Rather than listen to the Leveilleur twins argue amongst themselves about how best to deal with the Hidden Facet’s dubious journalists, Thancred flips to the appropriate pages of the article that Urianger had mentioned.

He is met with two pages worth of an eerily astute individual’s warnings for caution with regards to the mysterious stranger who brought a starshower to the Crystarium, along with the author’s speculation that this ‘Ardbert’ is really just the corpse of a fallen hero being puppeted by an evil ghost for sinister and as of yet unknown nefarious means. 

The second page however promptly dives straight into complete and utter insanity as the author names said evil as Bobby Corwen - cantankerous chocobo and bane of both the Zun and Crystarium stable keeps lives - and that said recently vanished chocobo was plotting an uprising of the feathered kind. The author went on to ramble about how the voices that some had heard during the starshower were clearly the work of amaro that had already been turned toward Corwen’s cause and that if they were to survive the oncoming storm, they would need to petition the amaro of Wolekdorf for aid.

Thancred very much doubts Elidibus would appreciate being thought of as an oversized ‘horse-bird’ as the Domans called them, but it did bring the rather humorous image of a mask-wearing chocobo to mind. 

The following article however is a surprisingly thoughtful and insightful piece into the economic ramifications and potential consequences of the sudden surge of individuals in the Crystarium deciding to leave for a life of adventure. The author of this particular article had done their research into multiple aspects of the Crystarium’s running and highlighted the varied issues that would arise with the departure of its workforce. 

The author went on to list the dangers of adventuring and offered sincere and practical advice for those seeking to head out into the world of Norvrandt.

It seemed like the Hidden Facet did have at least one decent writer - though their work was sandwiched between ten pages of utter garbage on either side.

Thancred looks over at Y’shtola who is dealing with all of this by simply listening to the twins argue about how best to deal with the Crystarium’s newspaper, while Urianger works on his tea. 

“Morning!” a familiar voice calls out cheerily as the door to the lounge swings open and the Scions’ favourite Xaela woman comes bouncing in. 

“I brought cake!” the Xaela chirps happily as she places a chocolate covered monstrosity upon the table while the rest of them stare at her in varying states of surprise or in Y’shtola’s case, blankly in her direction.

While normally the Scions would poke fun of their hero’s sweet tooth and her decidedly unconventional breakfast choices, the far more pressing matter is her outfit.

It was not odd for Moxi to switch between heavy armour, lightweight leathers and cloth robes - she was a highly adaptable fighter after all, capable of wielding a wide variety of soul stones and weapons which she used to stunning degrees of efficacy. 

She also owned a wide variety of different outfits and questionably effective disguises. The woman’s wardrobe was extensive and apparently was the source of much delight to the pixies. 

Kahkol puttering in for breakfast freshly bathed in little more than a robe, barefoot and hair mussed is not an unusual sight. They had all seen her in that sort of state on multiple occasions, especially when she indulged in late starts to the day.

The issue is that she is wearing the Exarch’s robe. Or at least a portion of it.

While the Exarch is not a particularly tall man, he does stand a full head taller than their Warrior and the Miqo'te leader's clothing is too large for Moxi Kahkol's delicate Auri figure. While she has done an admirable job of securing the garment to her person, its neckline is too wide and it slides dangerously open as she moves, exposing dark Xaela scales and more than a few highly suspicious looking bruises.

“Is the Exarch joining us?” Thancred asks, with a pointed look at her exposed shoulder. He is ever so thankful that Ryne is not present to see her hero's almost slovenly appearance. He knows that the girl would be concerned about Moxi’s ‘ _injuries’_ and he did not want to be the one to explain the Xaela’s bruises to her. 

If she was trying to hide the full extent of her ‘friendship’ with the red-headed Miqo’te from them she certainly wasn’t doing a particularly good job of it. 

“Raha’s bringing more food and some coffee biscuits,” the Xaela smiles brightly, as she adjusts her clothing haphazardly. The use of the Exarch’s name in its most familiar form has the twins' eyebrows going up, but neither Urianger or Y’shtola look remotely surprised. 

“It’s chocolate!” she motions towards the cake she has brought, beaming brightly at them as she sits herself down across from Urianger. 

Alphinaud and Alisaie scramble to remove the copies of the Hidden Facet from the Warrior of Light and Darkness’s field of vision. 

Their efforts are all for naught as she promptly reaches over without turning her head and grabbing Urianger’s copy - the twins’ sudden and sharp intake of breath elicits a brief glance from Moxi’s silver-blue eyes before they turn towards the paper.

Silence reigns within the lounge as Kahkol reads over the cover of the Hidden Facet.

A page turns, and then another. Then another.

The gentle swaying of her tail slows to a halt and then the young woman’s shoulders begin to shake.

"Pfffft!!” she snickers before erupting into full blown cackling as she jumps up from her seat, tossing the paper back onto the table, dashing out the door and shouting down the hallway. “Raha! Rahaa!” 

Alisaie seems to be in some sort of shock, while Alphinaud has visibly relaxed. 

“She seems to be taking this awfully well,” she eventually says rather weakly.

Given that she had been an Au Ra in Ishgard - a dark-scaled Xaela with luminescent eyes at that - the Scions’ Champion was probably used to being a topic of conversation both good and ill. There would have been much controversy about her presence within the city walls during her time in Coerthas - especially in the middle of the Dragonsong War. She would have heard unflattering remarks towards her person and character during her stay.

Saving the Ishgardians from their Archbishop had quieted the most vocal of her detractors, slaying Nidhogg had made her their hero. Going on to single-handedly win the day for them at the Grand Melee had shifted the story about the tiny silver-haired Au Ra drastically towards the worshipful and woe betide the fool who tried to insult the Warrior of Light before any true son or daughter of Ishgard. 

“Raha you have to see this!” the silver-haired Xaela’s voice echoes down the hallway with childish glee.

“Just a moment,” the Exarch’s voice answers and the door swings open once more to allow the ruler of the Crystarium carrying a tray laden with breakfast foods to be dragged in by his lover. "Erm… Good morning!" The red-headed Miqo'te smiles nervously at the Scions. 

Given that Moxi has apparently stolen his robe, the leader of the Crystarium is dressed in a plain white cotton tunic and dark trousers. He too is barefoot, and it is now a certainty that the man had spent the night in Kahkol’s room.

If it got the man out of his office, Thancred supposes the Scions could count it as a win in the ongoing war to get the man to rest. Whether or not he actually spent much time sleeping is not something that Thancred wants to think or know about. 

Moxi had never spoken much about her endeavours with the Crystal Tower - much less G’raha Tia. Thancred had been aware of the man’s existence - Sharlaya was a small world and it was well known that the Students of Baldesion’s foremost expert on all things Allagan had been a young, eccentric red-headed Tia - but not that he and the Champion of Eorzea were as close as they obviously were. 

The Xaela woman promptly relieves the Exarch of his tray and sets it haphazardly down upon the table. 

“Raha look at this,” the Au Ra laughs like a madwoman as she pushes him to sit and points at the tabloids strewn across the table.

The Exarch seems more than a little distracted by the fact that the robe is slipping off of her shoulder, and is desperately trying to keep Moxi decent in front of the rest of them as she sits herself down in his lap.

Thancred is not sure if he’s ever seen the woman so - _energetic_. He had known that she had a childish and whimsical nature to her - the Scions first meeting with the Night’s Blessed in Rak’tika had been less than amusing - the way she was fast friends with the pixies and the rumours about her interactions with the sylphs of the Source were evidence enough. He was used to Kahkol being a serious, silent defender of the weak - albeit one with an odd sense of humour. Her reports, when she made them were usually concise and to the point - occasionally more than a little baffling with the things that happened to her.

Of course there had been stories - some of them that often beggared belief - about the Warrior of Light back on the Source, but he would not have thought her title ‘Stealer of Pants’ to be remotely appropriate until now.

"Ah." Is all the Crystal Exarch says upon laying eyes on the papers in front of them. "The Hidden Facet. I am aware of them. Lady Rinona's newsletter. She had mentioned something about taking on some new writers recently."

"….So you're alright with their wild claims about you?” Alisaie asks incredulously. 

The Exarch smiles lightly.

“Curiosity is to be expected when a hooded man appears with an enormous crystal tower and strange magicks out of the aether. Questions towards my origins have been going since the foundation of the Crystarium. Let them write what they will.”

Which made it abundantly clear that he had not read much more than the paper’s logo and was far more preoccupied with trying to shove a giggling Au Ra out of his seat. 

Y’shtola however cannot seem to help but needle the man regardless.

“Well then, if you do not mind enlightening us then Exarch. Is it true that you became enamoured with the Warrior of Darkness’s ass on a secretive trip to Eulmore’s Honeybee Inn?”

The red-headed Miqo’te’s gobsmacked expression is absolutely priceless, while Kahkol merely snickers uncontrollably.

“Pardon?” the Crystal Exarch squeaks.

“There is another article that does question the elasticity of Moxi’s hindquarters, but I believe you would be the authority on that at this juncture,” the Scion sorceress continues blithely while the Warrior of Darkness grins at her not-so secret lover.

“Yes Raha! What _do_ you think about my ass?”

The Crystal Exarch ignores the grinning Au Ra to prioritize flipping through the Hidden Facet’s pages, his Allagan eyes devouring the words at breathtaking speeds and his eyebrows climb higher and higher with each page turn.

He flips the paper closed, sighs dejectedly, slumping very unprofessionally in his seat and tosses the gossip rag onto the table.

“They used to be a newsletter. They used to report on sineater movements and informed the citizenry of where more hands were needed. I suppose they would have to change with the times.”

“Are you not offended?” Alisaie asks Kahkol who has taken to patting the Exarch’s head soothingly. 

“After everything you’ve done for them - they go and write this… this garbage about you!”

The Auri woman looks over at the young elezen and smiles.

“I’ve had worse said and written about me,” the Warrior of Darkness grins. “And I quite like their artist’s work,” she says pointing out a small sketch of the Exarch’s face - emblazoned with the caption ‘Our Leader in Love!’. 

“With how much they have clearly studied your face Raha, should I be concerned?” she smiles gently, pressing a kiss to the man’s cheek. “I will admit it is a handsome one.”

“Given the attention they have put into discussing and illustrating your rear, I believe tis _I_ who should be concerned. Mayhaps you should consider wearing trousers more frequently, hmm?” he laughs lightly, a hand gently pushing her hair back over a horn, his expression soft and can only be described as lovesick.

She laughs at that. 

“Well per this author, my legs are glorious and deserving of worship. Twould be a crime to cover them up! And I seem to recall you _really_ enjoying -.”

“Please. Not in front of the children. We’re happy for you both, but there are things we don’t need to know,” Thancred groans in mock horror, which is met with some amount of indignation from Alphinaud and Alisaie and muffled chuckles from Urianger and Y’shtola.

Kahkol smiles brightly, showing that she had absolutely no intentions of hiding her affections for the ruler of the Crystarium in front of them, though the man himself seems somewhat embarrassed.

Thancred is just happy that Ryne isn’t here.

“Mayhaps I should have a chat with them, seein’ as they’re tryin’ to discredit Alphinaud.” the silver haired Xaela muses, a peculiar gleam in her eyes that the Scions were quickly beginning to recognize as a sign of trouble..

“Please don’t burn down the Hidden Facet’s office,” Alphinaud pleads immediately, which nets both him and Moxi incredulous stares.

“I’m just going to have a chat with them!” the Auri woman protests, but the young man just gives her a particularly stern look, doing his ample best to channel all of Estinien Wyrmblood’s disdain and skepticism into the glare - however the Warrior of Light and Darkness is not so easily cowed.

“It wasn’t _me_ who burned down The Fury’s Enquirer.” she pouts. “I was found not guilty.”

“That’s because you demanded a trial by combat!” Alphinaud exclaims, which earns their vaunted hero some appraising looks from the other Scions.

“Innocent in the eyes of Halone,” Moxi Kahkol states smugly, which prompts a scolding from both diplomat and city leader about ‘abuses of power’, how ‘arson is still a crime even if they did deserve it’ and that claiming a ‘cultural misunderstanding’ would not be a viable defense in the Crystarium - and _no_ there was no trial by combat system in place and the Exarch would _not_ be instating one. 

Thancred almost feels sorry for these journalists - he would consider sending them a warning, but one of their hacks - one Mystel reporter called Quista-Tep had written an article that was rather determined to paint him as some sort of repository of venereal disease and unsuitable as de facto guardian of the Oracle of Light. 

They deserved whatever Kahkol did to them. 

* * *

“I can’t believe you published this!” Lagbert cries into Wardson’s ridiculously huge back as he waves the offending article in the air in the Hidden Facet’s office.

“They’re real quotes!” Adellia states primly. “Master Leveilleur did use all of those words in our conversation. I just changed the order in which he said them. He’s a wordy little elf.”

“You didn’t even ask half of the questions you claim you did!” Lagbert yells to an uncaring audience. “Don’t try to lie to me! I was there!”

He was a fool for thinking that everything would be okay. That he had stupidly used up his day off to listen in on Adellia’s interview with Alphinaud Leveilleur - young diplomat from the Exarch’s homeland. It had seemed normal enough, with her asking questions about Eulmore and he had _thought_ that the violet-haired elf had amended her ways. 

And then Lagbert opened the final published copy of the Hidden Facet and read an abomination. All of Master Alphinaud’s thoughtful answers had been distorted beyond all recognition as Adellia tried to portray the well-spoken young man as some sort of horny teenaged degenerate. 

“Look Laggy,” Adellia speaks, her tones brisk and clear as if she is laying out the terms of a deal. “We all love the Exarch and we all want him to be happy right? Well he can’t exactly seduce the Warrior of Darkness if some half-pint hobgoblin of a pretty-boy elf or a damn fine specimen of a hume are constantly around her. We’ve gotta talk him up to the lady!”

“Wait, what? That’s why you wrote this travesty?!” Lagbert shrieks, raising his head to stare incredulously at the woman.

She was mad. Utterly mad. And so was the boss for publishing this.

“Your articles aren’t even _about the Exarch_ !” Lagbert hisses as Wardson promptly wraps his arms around the irate journalist and holds him back from throwing himself at the purple-haired elf. Adellia was surely Norvrandt’s absolute worst journalist in the whole history of the Crystarium - no all of Norvrandt. “You wrote seven pages of _libel_!”

"I didn't write them all under _my_ name. I wrote some under Tilmett, Bogert and Quista-Tep. So technically _they_ wrote the libel."

"Those are _pseudonyms!_ You still wrote them! _"_

“The boss said we’ve made record sales. You’re lookin’ at Norvrandt’s _best selling_ journalist!” the woman grins, not just adding salt, but dumping the entire contents of the Tempest on the wound.

If Masters Alphinaud and Thancred didn’t murder her, Lagbert was going to.

“How foolish of you, Adellia!” Kirden laughs haughtily. “There was no need for you to concoct such elaborate falsehoods! The Exarch and Lady Kahkol only have eyes for one another! Theirs is a love that broke the bonds of both time and space to-”

“Shut it Kirden!” Lagbert shouts, managing to wrestle one arm free from Wardson’s iron grip to point accusingly at his fellow former guardsmen and journalist. “Wicked white! Captain Lyna is going to rip off all of your scales for even _suggesting_ that the Exarch frequents a _stripclub!”_

Not to mention that Kirden had managed to get all of them barred from the Wandering Stairs with his _ludicrous_ article naming Cyella the Shadowkeeper of lore. Glynard did not take to the slandering of his staff all too well, and the silver-haired elf had definitely not been impressed. So not only would they likely be beaten within an inch of their lives by the Captain of the Crystarium Guard, they couldn’t even get _drunk_ afterwards.

“It was under duress!” the Drahn protests. “Lady Rinona said my theory that they come from a reflection of our world was too far-fetched and ridiculous. She made me change it to something more ‘plausible’!” 

Kirden’s disdain for the boss’s substituted theory is clearly etched into the set of the man’s furrowed eyebrows and Lagbert feels a little bad for yelling. He knows how invested Kirden is in his crackpot theories, the man was utterly insane but he truly did believe in whatever he wrote.

“And the Exarch has been to Eulmore before. He’s probably walked past the Honeybee Inn once or twice.” the Drahn continues on with a shrug. “That’s visiting isn’t it?”

Lagbert is going to kill him. He really is. 

“Please, Kirden.” Adellia scoffs disdainfully at her colleague’s theories. “Our Exarch’s as timid as it gets whenever it comes to his own personal matters! There’s no way he’d ever have the nerve to plant one on the Warrior of Darkness! Which is why we gotta eliminate the competition!" she concludes, a fire in her eyes as she smiles the mad smile of the Fuath.

“He’s hardly timid,” a stranger’s voice remarks lightly from somewhere beneath Lagbert’s field of vision. “He’s the _bold_ one out of the two of us! Just look at all the trouble I've hadda drag'im out of!”

All of them glance downwards and note a small head of silver hair examining Kirden’s wall of insanity.

“My ass ain’t that big is it?” the Warrior of Darkness asks them, expression mildly concerned as she glances at her rear. 

Wardson makes a strangled noise that probably wouldn’t be all that much different had he still the use of his voice. It is a sound of confusion and shock that Lagbert can feel to his very soul. He’s not quite sure what Lady Kahkol is wearing, only that the emphasis it gives her figure is - uhh something. 

The Warrior of Darkness is wearing a scandalously short black dress with a slit on the right that offers a generous window to her undergarments - which are white - _wicked white!_ \- the embroidery on the very short skirt is exquisite - _No!-_ Lagbert firmly redirects his gaze from the lady's admittedly very nice looking thighs and focuses on her left horn. Wardson lets go of him and the Hume can feel the Galdjent’s bashful blush radiating off of him. 

Sheer black leggings cling to her thighs and long skin-tight leather stiletto-heeled boots complete her outfit and Lagbert wonders how anyone could possibly walk in those shoes. 

He can feel his legs cramping up just looking at her standing in them.

Kirden and Adellia unfortunately seem to take her question as an opportunity to examine the saviour of the world’s posterior more closely.

“It’s a very nice ass?” Adellia offers. “Shapely! And your tail is very nice! Love the boots! Where’d you get the dress? It’s gorgeous!” 

“What was the Exarch’s opinion on this outfit?” Kirden asks, his notepad already in his hands and pen at the ready.

Lagbert is making shushing motions at them, but of course neither of the two idiots are paying him any mind. Not while the Warrior of Darkness has apparently made time to be interviewed by them. 

Neither of them seem to be wondering _why_ the woman was here, nor have they taken stock of the sword at the Warrior’s hip that Lagbert has personally seen slice a sineater to ribbons in the blink of an eye. 

He has no doubt that the woman who brought the night back to Norvrandt will have absolutely no problem wielding her weapon despite her immensely impractical footwear. 

The Lady Kahkol, who has yet to answer a single one of their questions, smiles benignly up at them and the blood drains from both Lagbert and Wardson’s faces.

Wardson is doing his best to make his giant form as small as possible, mayhaps even holding his breath in a desperate attempt to become invisible. The Galdjent does not look like he is above throwing himself out the window to escape.

They know that sort of look. Deceptive. Sinister. The sort of smile Sergeant Leonhart would give them before smashing their heads into the dirt. Lagbert had been the usual target for their surly drill sergeant’s ire. He was intimately familiar with that look.

“Is Adellia in?” the Drahn asks, her expression sweet and innocent. 

“Adellia?”

“Adellia,” the Warrior of Darkness repeats, still smiling brightly at the elf and Drahn. “After reading her interview with Alphinaud, there are some things I’d like to talk with her about.”

The violet haired elf's face remains remarkably calm, even though it is clear that she has realized how badly she has screwed up.

Lagbert has to brutally murder the instinctual impulse to crow in victory with the smuggest ‘ _I told you so_ ’ in the history of everything. 

The Warrior of Darkness was a woman who was used to attention both good and ill. She did not care what others thought of her, and given that enormous slab of metal she called a sword and the awe-inspiring magicks she wielded, Lagbert figured most would avoid insulting her the instant they saw her in action. But as a person that everyone in the Crystarium had seen act as a guardian and protector of those around her, it was highly likely that such a woman was not one to suffer insults towards her friends lightly.

But did anyone ever listen to Lagbert? No.

“Adellia’s not in today,” Kirden lies through his teeth. 

The Warrior seems to accept Kirden’s word for the moment, her eyes taking in the Hidden Facet’s office size and the tables with papers piled to the ceiling arranged therein. 

“Hmm,” the tiny Drahn woman hums tonelessly as she turns her gaze towards Kirden’s string and pin map on their wall, resting on the corner that Kirden has dedicated to his wild speculations on her fictional romance with the Exarch.

There is no real religion anymore in Norvrandt, but Lagbert sends out a desperate prayer to any and all benevolent deities that might be in this universe to keep the Warrior of Darkness’ attention away from him and his friends. 

He doesn’t really expect anything to happen, if necessary Lagbert is pretty sure he can get himself, Wardson and Kirden spared the Warrior’s wroth by outing Adellia. There would be one less awful journalist in the world and Lagbert thinks he can probably live with that. 

Moxi Kahkol opens her mouth to speak, when something on the wall catches her attention.

“Oh. So that’s why Urianger wants to speak with you,” she murmurs as she begins to look at Kirden’s wall of paper and strings intently, her expression serious as she brings a hand to her mouth as she mutters quietly to herself.

The reporters and artist of the Hidden Facet watch with bated breath as she contemplates Kirden’s work with a serious eye.

“Do ya have a pen?” she asks and before Lagbert can so much as blink, Kirden has offered her his, which she takes as she struts up towards his wall.

“So I’ve got some corrections to make for you,” she says with a small mischievous grin and the shite-eating look Kirden is giving him is something Lagbert is never going to hear the end of. 

* * *

Bells later, when the Crystal Exarch comes barrelling into the Hidden Facet’s office, breathing heavily, crimson eyes frantic, he is met with the peculiar sight of the Warrior of Darkness sitting upon a blushing Galdjent’s shoulders to better argue with a very tall Drahn man.

“Look, I’m not saying that she’s _not_ the Shadowkeeper, I just can’t see how you got from the ‘barmaid’s immortal’ to ‘she’s the source of everything going wrong a hunnred years ago’?” the Warrior says, slapping a hand against a very strange looking wall that is covered in papers and string.

“Surely tis obvious?” 

“While I can neither confirm nor deny your suppositions, the argument ya wrote is hard to follow.” 

“Hard to follow?!” Kirden exclaims indignantly, ignoring Lagbert’s wild flailing arms that are trying to direct his attention towards the door. “Ugh… mayhaps I _should_ have had Lagbert read it over.” 

While it was nice to for once be appreciated for once, Lagbert would much rather have the Crystarium’s former top spy paying attention to something other than his career as an awful journalist.

“Ah Exarch!,” Lagbert’s idiot of a friend laughs heartily, while Wardson looks like he is going to faint. “Excellent timing! I would love to get some clarification on-” 

“I thought you said you were busy,” Moxi Kahkol - Warrior of Darkness, hero and saviour of the world- remarks testily, interrupting Norvrandt’s second worst reporter in the history of reporters, her expression just a sliver away from sullen.

“Very,” The Exarch answers evenly. “And then I heard a troubling report from Alphinaud that you had gone off to have a word with the good folk of the Hidden Facet.”

“That’s what you’ll abandon your research for? Me having _words_ with people?”

Lagbert is immediately reconsidering all of his life choices as he sinks in his chair. He should have left with Adellia. Should have made his exit instead of trying to sate his curiosity when the Warrior of Darkness had decided to add to Kirden’s wall of insanity.

He can practically feel the ice forming along his skin from the coldness of her tone. He makes a mental note to apologize profusely to Kirden for ever doubting him that the Exarch and the Warrior of Darkness were involved with one another - because _that_ was a tone of anger and disappointment Lagbert was _intimately_ familiar with.

“The last time you said you were going to ‘have words’ with someone, you stabbed them through the heart. And given your history with the press that Alphinaud relayed to me, forgive me if I had my doubts as to how you would handle the situation,” the Exarch says lightly and Lagbert cringes. Wardson may or may not have started crying a little in fear.

Never try and make a joke out of it. That was one of the first lessons Lagbert had learned when confronted by an angry spouse. It never worked out well if you tried to joke about whatever they were mad about. 

It was probably only Lagbert, Kirden and Wardson’s presence that saved the ruler of the Crystarium from a swift demise at the hands of his tiny Drahn lover.

“Not forgiven,” she declares haughtily as she descends from her perch of poor blushing Wardson’s shoulders, her incredibly short skirt fluttering as she lands impossibly light on those stilts of hers. “And Alphinaud’s a liar. I get along great with the press!”

The Exarch makes an amused noise at that, and Lagbert slides further off of his chair, ready to use his desk as a makeshift shelter if need be. 

“So the whole story about you beating a journalist within an inch of his life in a tavern was a gross exaggeration then?”

“Wasn’t me. That was the Captain. You must be _exhausted_ if you misread my name as his.” the silver-haired Drahn declares looking incredibly smug about something. 

“Hmm. Well these old eyes are not quite what they used to be,” the red-headed Mystel laughs as he regards the silver-haired Drahn fondly who was clearly only pretending to be cross with him.

“If you even _think_ about sayin’ that the Cap and I look anythin’ alike I will string you up from the top of your damned Tower your _lordship_.”

“I would never,” the Exarch declares, crystal hand pressed over his heart and a mischievous expression that was very much at odds with the man the Crystarium knew. “The good captain could never pull off that dress.”

Lagbert is not sure he or the others should be present at all for this conversation - especially since the Exarch is gazing very appreciatively over the Warrior of Darkness’s figure.

“Oh _now_ you’re interested in what I have to say, hmm?” she says, her stance shifting as she places a hand on her hip - drawing all present’s attention to the _very_ generous window in her dress. 

Wardson is doing his very best to not burst into flames from embarrassment as he tries to edge his way towards the back door, his tentative tugs on Kirden’s shirt collar being summarily ignored by the Drahn who is scribbling away in his notebook - because _of course he is_.

Lagbert holds his breath as he attempts to crawl out from behind his desk. The front door is still open and is the exit closest to him. 

If Wardson could get their horned idiot out the back, they could close the doors and make their way to the Wandering Stairs and force Kirden to beg Cyella’s forgiveness. Or more realistically Wardson and Lagbert could pool their coin and bribe Glynard into letting them back in. 

They could then try and talk sense into the Drahn or at least get him drunk enough to forget that today even happened. 

A quick look and hand motion has Wardson nodding in grim determination as he makes his move.

A swift and stealthy exit. No mess and no fuss. The three of them had done hundreds of reconnaissance missions together - they could do this.

Just as the Exarch takes Lady Kahkol’s hands in his, his expression gentle as he murmurs something soft and loving which has the Warrior of Darkness beginning to blush - just as Wardson has clapped a hand over Kirden’s big fat mouth and has skilfully wrangled him through the labyrinth of desks and paperstacks of their office - Lagbert’s leg decides to spasm violently.

“Leg cramp!” he shouts, clutching at his painfully twitching leg as he goes down.

The pain sends him toppling to the ground, knocking his desk and everything that had been stacked on it towards the Crystal Exarch and Warrior of Darkness.

The sound of steel being drawn and the shift of aether and flash of heat are both unmistakable and Lagbert manages to get his eyes open to see a concerned Warrior of Darkness and Exarch hovering over him. The charred remains of Lagbert’s notes flutter through the air and he groans at the mess of ink all over the floor. Lady Rinona is going to _kill him_. 

“Are you alright?” both leader and warrior ask him, and Lagbert has scarcely managed to open his mouth to assure them that he was fine - that his leg was fine, everything was fine, tis an old injury and no cause for concern - that he finds himself summarily scooped up into a tiny Drahn woman’s arms as if he were no lighter than a swaddling babe.

“Best get him to Spagyrics,” the Warrior of Darkness declares. 

“T-There’s really no need! I’m fine!” Lagbert tries to say, but is cut off by the speed at which the Warrior of Darkness begins to move and the Exarch’s calm declaration that he would be alerting the healers to their imminent arrival.

He looks towards Wardson and Kirden who simply shrug - Wardson at least looking apologetic. Kirden - the ass - simply looks incredibly excited and Lagbert is very much _not_ looking forward to the Facet’s next publication.

**Author's Note:**

> Lagbert is absolutely right in that the next publication is not one he enjoys. Featuring multiple revisionist articles that praise every single one of the Scions as shining paragons of humanity. The editor issued a public apology to Thancred and Alphinaud, informing them that the employees that wrote such slander against them were dismissed (Quista-Tep did not exist in the first place, so firing her was easy. Adellia is very real and is the editor's sister, so she got a very gentle slap on the wrist about her interview.)  
> The rest of the paper was the Kirden show and the Hidden Facet is promptly discarded as a reliable source of news by the Crystarium populace.  
> Somehow despite all of the very public flirting that goes on between the Exarch and the Warrior of Darkness, there remain some who remain oblivious to the very obvious fact that the two of them are banging.  
> The reporters are very very very _very_ loosely based on the FFVIII trio of soldiers turned sort of reporters/politicians.  
> This completely ended up running away from me - and I gave up at the ending.


End file.
